Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Why I should never go to the beach alone

I planned to go to the beach yesterday with Amanda and 3 year old Alex (who loves me by the way. I guess last week they asked Alex what he wanted to do that day and he said "go to the beach with rowe." That's toddler talk for Rose. None of them can say it.) So I am up getting ready for the beach and text Amanda when does she want to meet me but then get a phone call that she is sick. Snap. So I could have at this point decided not to go to the beach but once I make a plan I just have to follow it. I was craving the sun and the sun was what I was gonna get!

So after making several pit stops, the most important being CVS to get multiple magazines (In Style, food Networks and family circle cause it was 2 bucks.) and face sunscreen (I'm still holding to the theory that someone stole mine, I didn't lose it) I made my way to the military beach. As always, I brought too much stuff with me. It totally hurt trying to lug it all down to the sand but I am a one trip kinda girl and managed it, managed the start of a headache at the same time. *sigh*.

So I make up my little "area," sunscreen all I can reach (*note to self, don't lay on stomach or back will burn) and I sit down. Not 2 seconds later a seagull joins me. You heard me. Since when did they like to be that close? We played the staring game for...oh I don't know...3 minutes until he realized that I didn't have anything (so he thought) and he went on to pester someone else. At the time I was thinking he was kinda cute and I was glad he wasn't scared of me. I was thinking that until I got my crackers out. It was 11:30 and I was hungry. I have the right to eat my lunch. So 1 bird became 50 birds even though I wasn't feeding them. They all watched me eat my crackers and then I dropped a little piece. *insert scary music here* I'm glad I haven't seen Alfred Hitchcock's movie about BIRDS 'cause that definetly would have changed the dynamics of the situation. Back to the cracker I drop this cracker piece and it lands right next to the chair. So close in fact that I have to lean a little to the right to even see it. Surely no bird will get that close. Oh but one does. It wasn't even a seagull. It was a little bird. The kind that scurry around the beach w/their legs criss crossing a million miles a minute. He tried to get my cracker but it was too big. Then the seagulls started puffing up behind him like they were all bad and gonna get him if he stole their cracker. So I get up with my magazine and start waving off all the birds. I think I even hissed once. I think that's more for cats but whatever.

I put my crackers away. No more birds. Got my coke out. Birds back. Put it away. No more birds. Got my coke back out. Birds back. Put it away. No more birds. You get the idea. Anytime I touched that stinkin bag my little bird friends swung by for a visit. It wouldn't have been so bad if they would have simply stood in front of me. But they would fly over me. Of course I think one is surely going to poop on my head. I stood up once and almost collided with one. So I repeated my magazine waving and hissing every 5 minutes or so.

So while all this is happening I run out of coke and start to get thirsty. No problem. I brought a huge ace water bottle. I get it out of my bag. Hello birds. I try to open it and it won't budge. I get my tank top out and put it over the lid to help. Nada. So I give up and put it back in my bag. Bye birds. So the more thirsty I got the more determined I was to get that bottle open. I think I got it out of my bag like 10 times and put it back in again 10 times. I don't know. I lost count. Ask the birds. Then, this dad and his 2 girls approach me and say they will trade me taking a picture of him and his girls for an open water bottle. Score! He opens it no problem. Hmpfh. I take 2 pictures. 2nd for good measure and then he asks me. "so are you with the coast gaurd." What part of my pink towel, pink striped chair, and the inability to open my water bottle says coast gaurd to him?? Neat.

Back to my "area" to finish my food network magazine. I am staring at the pages but thinking about how to kill a seagull and realize that's my cue to leave. I pack up my stuff. Make one trip back to the car and head to Destin to do some shopping. Indoors. Where there are no seagulls and I where I can order a water with a straw.


  1. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! This is hilarious!

  2. I can see this taking place...hilarious!

    BTW, I think that guy was flirting with you...