Thursday, August 13, 2009

I want people to understand, but then I don't help them to. Here goes...

Don't sit in the backseat of a car, you won't be able to stretch your legs...the creepy crawly will start and you will want to scream.

Take a bath, the hot helps the pain but don't stay in to might need to move your leg to the side and when you can't it will just seem that much worse. Must get new tub. Must get new house first. That's not gonna happen.

Don't sit on a barstool. The pressure on the back of your legs will be too much to handle. If meeting someone at a restaurant, be sure to get there first so you can request a regular table.

If booking a plane ticket, get an aisle seat. One where your left leg can stretch into the aisle since its the worst. Try to fly in the morning or afternoon. In the evening the pain gets worse as you get more tired. Take a carry on but stowe it above your head, you need the leg room under your seat.

Try to always take your own car. If someone wants you to ride with them there might not be enough leg room. Even if they say you can have the front you will feel too guilty and awkward accepting and you will sit in the back anyway. If you go in someone else's car you might get "kidnapped" and be unable to return despite how you feel.

When you go to bed, keep a pillow under your hip 'cause for some reason it helps. Only put light blankets on top of you, if they are too heavy it will be hard to move around as much as you do. Keep naproxen, tylonel and Icy Hot in your nightstand. Kick Justin out when you get really fidgety and need to roll over on your stomach and stretch your aductor muscles.

Go to doctor. Go get MRI. Go get Cat scan. Go to chiropractor. Go get shots in your groin. Go have nerve test run. Go give blood to test on 500 things. Go get bone scan done. Go to Physical therapy. Go to pain management. Go back to doctor. Say nothing is working.

Have moments where you seriously ponder how much better you would feel if you could just cut off your leg. Feel crazy just thinking it.

Go to church but still wear heels. Make sure they aren't too big. Put them on in the car so you wear them less. Take them off as soon as you get back into the car. Bring sandals if you are going to lunch afterwards. Sit in church pew, try to get comfortable. Wish you could sit indian style. Walk past everyone to get to the back. Stretch your leg on a pew in the foyer. Smile when everyone tells you should come to sunday school. Remember how uncomfortable the seats were when you did.

Wake up at 2 AM crying because of the pain. Wake Justin up and ask if he can rub your legs. Get put in a hot bath. Feel guilty your husband isn't getting enough sleep. Thankful for such an amazing person in your life.

Have too much to do one day. Wake up the next day and find it hard to walk on your feet. Wear my cushy clogs all day to help. Do Yoga to see if it makes a difference. Tell Percy sorry we can't go on our walk.

Go to movie theatre. See a movie that has been out awhile to be sure there are plenty of seats. Pick the aisle with the bar in front of you so you can put your feet up. Go to crowded movie but arrive way ahead of time. Get in front of line and get your favorite aisle. Don't let anyone sit on your left in case you need to pop your hip. Scoot down if someone tries to.

On the note of uncomfortable seats...don't go to concerts, don't go to football games, don't go conferences, don;t go to plays, don't go anywhere you don't know what the seating will be like. You will regret it and you will pay for it.

Have a really bad leg day. Sit in the bath and break down in tears. Admit to Justin how scared I am of getting older. Wonder how much worse its gonna get.

Try a new kind of medicine to help with the pain. Get sick and throw up. Still in pain. Told to take a 1/2 pill. Told to take 1/4 pill. Still sick AND hurt. Refuse to take any more pills.

Meet someone new. Answer the question "what do you do?" Feel like a schmuck cause the answer is nothing. Don't tell them why.

Lose sympathy for other people. Feel like a jerk for not caring. Try to work on it.
Snap at Justin. Not because he did anything wrong but because all my energy is focused on my pain. Feel guilty. Feel mad. Apologize. Do it again in a matter of minutes.

Teach Percy to sleep in a certain blanket by your head so he is nowhere near your leg. Just knowing he is by your leg and that you can't move when you need to will drive you bonkers. Wake up in the middle of the night and make Percy go back to his blanket. Some nights do this several times.

Have good days. Have bad days. Do too much then forced to do nothing. Loose faith in doctors. Wonder if anyone else goes through this? Wish you could at least have a reason or cause for all of this. Pray one comes soon.


  1. Rose,
    You are an amazing person. People love you because you are yourself, not because they feel sorry for you. You are a trooper, you never complain and you always have a good time. Don't let anyone make you feel like you don't do're the most crafty person I know. You have have a knack for making people feel special and comfortable. Keep being yourself...thanks for the insight.

  2. oh pumpkin....I didn't realize it was that bad!

    And don't say you do do more than anyone I know, LOL

  3. Nice to have friends isn't it Rose. People are amazing, people are jerks, it depends on who you are. I imagine all your friends are as nice as you.

  4. I think this must be one of the reasons God let you come home early Rose. I miss you terribly but I'm also glad you're no longer in pain.