Adventures in Babysitting.

So my friend asked me if I could watch her 2 year old. I instantly thought about the trauma this would bring to my chihuahua Percy. Percy loves just about everybody but if I had to be honest I would have to say he HATES kids on bikes, strollers, helmets/hats of any kind and the person who is wearing it (including Justin), and toddlers. Babies are ok. They aren't as quick as a toddler. How could I say no though? Not gonna say no...but need a solution to the problem. I know...take the toddler away from the chihuahua and find SUPER FUN activities to last the entire time. 6 hours. Now there's a challenge.

Little Evelyn arrived just after 3 and we waited at home for Justin to get off work. First we sat and watched cartoons. My jaw dropped to the floor during Tom and Jerry when Jerry uses a bra as a parachute and when the air puffs up the bra cups it suddenly has nipples too. What the junk?? These cartoons are too old for that! While we were watching cartoons I got up to get a drink. What does Percy do? He gets up and scoots over to Evelyn and lays back down. What?? Did she have a treat in her pocket or something? Nope. He just was seemingly ok with her. My little son is growing up. *sigh*.

Since the cartoons stunk we went outside. Less things for a 2 year old to break out there. (I know. I'm paranoid but with no kids and a dog the size of a toy I don't exactly have reason to kid proof my house) While outside we swung in the hammock. After I showed her how I was NOT allowed back in. She however was, and got a kick out of being rocked and switching laying down/sitting up positions every 30 seconds. After she hopped down she picked up a stick. I couldn't quite tell what she was saying about the stick but I could tell she was excited and thought "Hey, I could use this to my advantage." We then proceeded to pick up all the sticks from the storm and put them into the "stick" pile behind the house. Nice. Then we played a sort of hop scotch game on the stones leading to the front door. Percy even joined in. No joke. It was hilarious.

Shortly after that Justin arrived home and we all headed to the water park. Slight delay on buckling her in the car seat but no worries, she showed me how. We got to the water park on base and she screamed "water" so we thought she was pumped. I think the water might have been a little cold because she was def. more interested in things like standing on the benches, writing in the sand with a stick and picking up bees. We shot the last idea down in a hurry. Justin ran around saying "Evelyn look" every 20 seconds but only got a reaction every...oh I don't know...10 minutes. She was def. in her own little world.

So on to the park...which looks more like a wooden castle than a play set. I'm glad some worthy playgrounds still exist. We pretended to be boat captains, we yelled "hello" up and down the curvy slides, we tapped on some bells and tried out multiple swings. It was overall a success. Getting ready for Mcdonalds and changing out of our swimming suit was less of a success. Let's just say it involved locking me out of a bathroom stall, touching everything in the bathroom with her little hands and almost running out of the place naked. But, the end result was a fully clothed 2 year old with REALLY clean hands. What more could you ask for?

After the park we headed to Mcdonalds. Evelyn almost fell asleep in the car. She's getting tired. Score. I asked Justin if he wanted to take her straight back to the play area or come order food with us. He wanted to order food but after her suggesting in so many ways that they were in the wrong place, he conceeded and headed to the back. It took some coaxing to get her to eat and play later when the food arrived. Which was even funnier when a little boy her age yelled "coming!" as soon as his mom yelled "dinner." Justin said boys always come running for dinner. After dinner and more playing we took her outside to see Ronald Mcdonald which apparently was amazing because she crawled right up into his lap and 15 minutes later we had to tell her it was time to go. We woulda stayed longer (who can argue with a child that's sitting still) only her mom was coming to pick her up.

Overall, I would say it was a huge success. Percy made a friend, Justin got to play at a water park that is otherwise only reserved for kids. I got to explore a wooden castle and feel like a kid all over again, and Evelyn fell in love with Ronald Mcdonald. Good times.

I'll always remember that 12 X 12 = 144,000

So while we were at the Dollar Store, Justin sees these multiplication flash cards. He thinks, "hey it would be good to freshen up on those" and he buys a pack.

One night he is sitting by the computer and the cards are next to him. The card on top is 12x12. I grab it, hold it up and ask him the answer. He says, "that one's easy." In my head I am assuming he is going to do some 2x2 something or other and come up with some weird way of remembering it. Nope. You know what he says?? Do you want to know?? You will NEVER guess.

So he says, "In Revelation it mentions the 12 tribes of Israel and that 12,000 people from each tribe are thought to go to Heaven and that's where some people get the 144,000 people in Heaven crap."

Priceless.

Why I should never go to the beach alone

I planned to go to the beach yesterday with Amanda and 3 year old Alex (who loves me by the way. I guess last week they asked Alex what he wanted to do that day and he said "go to the beach with rowe." That's toddler talk for Rose. None of them can say it.) So I am up getting ready for the beach and text Amanda when does she want to meet me but then get a phone call that she is sick. Snap. So I could have at this point decided not to go to the beach but once I make a plan I just have to follow it. I was craving the sun and the sun was what I was gonna get!

So after making several pit stops, the most important being CVS to get multiple magazines (In Style, food Networks and family circle cause it was 2 bucks.) and face sunscreen (I'm still holding to the theory that someone stole mine, I didn't lose it) I made my way to the military beach. As always, I brought too much stuff with me. It totally hurt trying to lug it all down to the sand but I am a one trip kinda girl and managed it, managed the start of a headache at the same time. *sigh*.

So I make up my little "area," sunscreen all I can reach (*note to self, don't lay on stomach or back will burn) and I sit down. Not 2 seconds later a seagull joins me. You heard me. Since when did they like to be that close? We played the staring game for...oh I don't know...3 minutes until he realized that I didn't have anything (so he thought) and he went on to pester someone else. At the time I was thinking he was kinda cute and I was glad he wasn't scared of me. I was thinking that until I got my crackers out. It was 11:30 and I was hungry. I have the right to eat my lunch. So 1 bird became 50 birds even though I wasn't feeding them. They all watched me eat my crackers and then I dropped a little piece. *insert scary music here* I'm glad I haven't seen Alfred Hitchcock's movie about BIRDS 'cause that definetly would have changed the dynamics of the situation. Back to the cracker piece...so I drop this cracker piece and it lands right next to the chair. So close in fact that I have to lean a little to the right to even see it. Surely no bird will get that close. Oh but one does. It wasn't even a seagull. It was a little bird. The kind that scurry around the beach w/their legs criss crossing a million miles a minute. He tried to get my cracker but it was too big. Then the seagulls started puffing up behind him like they were all bad and gonna get him if he stole their cracker. So I get up with my magazine and start waving off all the birds. I think I even hissed once. I think that's more for cats but whatever.

I put my crackers away. No more birds. Got my coke out. Birds back. Put it away. No more birds. Got my coke back out. Birds back. Put it away. No more birds. You get the idea. Anytime I touched that stinkin bag my little bird friends swung by for a visit. It wouldn't have been so bad if they would have simply stood in front of me. But they would fly over me. Of course I think one is surely going to poop on my head. I stood up once and almost collided with one. So I repeated my magazine waving and hissing every 5 minutes or so.

So while all this is happening I run out of coke and start to get thirsty. No problem. I brought a huge ace water bottle. I get it out of my bag. Hello birds. I try to open it and it won't budge. I get my tank top out and put it over the lid to help. Nada. So I give up and put it back in my bag. Bye birds. So the more thirsty I got the more determined I was to get that bottle open. I think I got it out of my bag like 10 times and put it back in again 10 times. I don't know. I lost count. Ask the birds. Then, this dad and his 2 girls approach me and say they will trade me taking a picture of him and his girls for an open water bottle. Score! He opens it no problem. Hmpfh. I take 2 pictures. 2nd for good measure and then he asks me. "so are you with the coast gaurd." What part of my pink towel, pink striped chair, and the inability to open my water bottle says coast gaurd to him?? Neat.

Back to my "area" to finish my food network magazine. I am staring at the pages but thinking about how to kill a seagull and realize that's my cue to leave. I pack up my stuff. Make one trip back to the car and head to Destin to do some shopping. Indoors. Where there are no seagulls and I where I can order a water with a straw.

**Hostess Cupcakes**

So I think I could honestly say my favorite vending machine snack is Hostess Cupcakes. I eye them everytime we are at the grocery store but convince myself that is just crossing the line. The other day I bought some. At the store they come in a 12 pack. Much to my dismay...they were going to expire like a week after I bought them. Those things have a LONG shelf life so these were OLD. They tasted old too. They were all dried out and the chocolate didn't so much taste like chocolate anymore. Maybe the kid in me liked them and they always tasted this way. Regardless, they were gross.

So yesterday I decided it was finally time to make some homemade hostess cupcakes like I have seen on Beantown Baker's blog. I went shopping for my supplies. Tweaking them a little bit. I can't make chocolate cake without making "dark" chocolate cake. Yum! I had 2 options for the filling. Make a 7 minute frosting or buy a jar of marshamallow fluff. I have never had marshmallow fluff and it sounded amazing but I opted for the homemade instead. Everything is always better homemade isn't it? It was the most amazing frosting I have ever tasted. I actually tasted like vanilla marshmallow fluff (granted I have never had marshmallow fluff, but I can only imagine).

Everything went off without a hitch, minus having to get the huge orange extension cord out to be able to mix at the stove. I hate my kitchen. The cupcakes were cooked just right. Carving out the middles was easy peasy. The frostings were amazing. I had 5 eggs in the fridge, exactly the amount I needed. *whew*

Laurel and I decided that we should get together and bake more. Fun! What will be next...she mentioned peanut butter chocolate cupcakes. What could be better?

I want people to understand, but then I don't help them to. Here goes...

Don't sit in the backseat of a car, you won't be able to stretch your legs...the creepy crawly will start and you will want to scream.

Take a bath, the hot helps the pain but don't stay in to long...you might need to move your leg to the side and when you can't it will just seem that much worse. Must get new tub. Must get new house first. That's not gonna happen.

Don't sit on a barstool. The pressure on the back of your legs will be too much to handle. If meeting someone at a restaurant, be sure to get there first so you can request a regular table.

If booking a plane ticket, get an aisle seat. One where your left leg can stretch into the aisle since its the worst. Try to fly in the morning or afternoon. In the evening the pain gets worse as you get more tired. Take a carry on but stowe it above your head, you need the leg room under your seat.

Try to always take your own car. If someone wants you to ride with them there might not be enough leg room. Even if they say you can have the front you will feel too guilty and awkward accepting and you will sit in the back anyway. If you go in someone else's car you might get "kidnapped" and be unable to return despite how you feel.

When you go to bed, keep a pillow under your hip 'cause for some reason it helps. Only put light blankets on top of you, if they are too heavy it will be hard to move around as much as you do. Keep naproxen, tylonel and Icy Hot in your nightstand. Kick Justin out when you get really fidgety and need to roll over on your stomach and stretch your aductor muscles.

Go to doctor. Go get MRI. Go get Cat scan. Go to chiropractor. Go get shots in your groin. Go have nerve test run. Go give blood to test on 500 things. Go get bone scan done. Go to Physical therapy. Go to pain management. Go back to doctor. Say nothing is working.

Have moments where you seriously ponder how much better you would feel if you could just cut off your leg. Feel crazy just thinking it.

Go to church but still wear heels. Make sure they aren't too big. Put them on in the car so you wear them less. Take them off as soon as you get back into the car. Bring sandals if you are going to lunch afterwards. Sit in church pew, try to get comfortable. Wish you could sit indian style. Walk past everyone to get to the back. Stretch your leg on a pew in the foyer. Smile when everyone tells you should come to sunday school. Remember how uncomfortable the seats were when you did.

Wake up at 2 AM crying because of the pain. Wake Justin up and ask if he can rub your legs. Get put in a hot bath. Feel guilty your husband isn't getting enough sleep. Thankful for such an amazing person in your life.

Have too much to do one day. Wake up the next day and find it hard to walk on your feet. Wear my cushy clogs all day to help. Do Yoga to see if it makes a difference. Tell Percy sorry we can't go on our walk.

Go to movie theatre. See a movie that has been out awhile to be sure there are plenty of seats. Pick the aisle with the bar in front of you so you can put your feet up. Go to crowded movie but arrive way ahead of time. Get in front of line and get your favorite aisle. Don't let anyone sit on your left in case you need to pop your hip. Scoot down if someone tries to.

On the note of uncomfortable seats...don't go to concerts, don't go to football games, don't go conferences, don;t go to plays, don't go anywhere you don't know what the seating will be like. You will regret it and you will pay for it.

Have a really bad leg day. Sit in the bath and break down in tears. Admit to Justin how scared I am of getting older. Wonder how much worse its gonna get.

Try a new kind of medicine to help with the pain. Get sick and throw up. Still in pain. Told to take a 1/2 pill. Told to take 1/4 pill. Still sick AND hurt. Refuse to take any more pills.

Meet someone new. Answer the question "what do you do?" Feel like a schmuck cause the answer is nothing. Don't tell them why.

Lose sympathy for other people. Feel like a jerk for not caring. Try to work on it.
Snap at Justin. Not because he did anything wrong but because all my energy is focused on my pain. Feel guilty. Feel mad. Apologize. Do it again in a matter of minutes.

Teach Percy to sleep in a certain blanket by your head so he is nowhere near your leg. Just knowing he is by your leg and that you can't move when you need to will drive you bonkers. Wake up in the middle of the night and make Percy go back to his blanket. Some nights do this several times.

Have good days. Have bad days. Do too much then forced to do nothing. Loose faith in doctors. Wonder if anyone else goes through this? Wish you could at least have a reason or cause for all of this. Pray one comes soon.

Distractions come in little sizes

Have you ever sat by the crying baby at church and had trouble focusing? Church on Sunday was a NIGHTMARE to say the least. I went through all sorts of emotions in a 30 minute period. First I was seriously annoyed, then embarrassed, then laughing...

There were kids behind me, plenty of them. None of them louder than normal or expected but again, PLENTY of them. In front of me...now that was the real problem. Three 2 year olds, one adult. Here's what I think. If you stand on a pew and are taller than people sitting, YOU ARE TOO OLD TO STAND ON A PEW. It is so distracting. Maybe stand on the pew when everyone stands up because you can't see good but come on....the entire time??? Seriously? All three of them stood up, facing back. When I say facing back I mean staring at you. You try not to look at them. You try to think "Jesus loves the little children" but you can't help thinking, God wants parents to have some sort of discipline and control. 2 of the 3 were eating/slobbering. One even leans over the pew and watches a long line of spit fall slowly from her mouth to the floor. All of them traded positions every...oh I don't know 30 seconds.

At one point, during a prayer no less, ALL three were playing peek-a-boo and trying to outdo eachother. They get a simple finger to the mouth "shush" from the adult they are sitting with. What?!? Then, as soon as another prayer starts one of them rolls an attendance card up and makes herself a trumpet. AT LEAST that was taken from her. Not soon enough though. I leaned over to my mom and said, "she's got a trumpet now." She started to laugh and then I couldn't stop laughing. I did everything I could to laugh silently. Now I'm distracting. Good one Rose. My mom asks me in her "supposed to be a whisper, NOT a whisper voice," "Do you usually sit here? Maybe you should sit over there next time." Ahhhhhh!!!!!!

Then they are given money for the collection plate which one of them starts to chew on. My mom says again in her "supposed to be a whisper, not a whisper voice," "that's so gross she's chewing on money." I told mom to write it down if she has something to say. Ha! How bad is that. Everytime she "whispered" something I would look over to Justin and he would just close his eyes. I think he was trying to teleport somewhere else. :)

So the moral of the story is as follows...if you can't see past distractions....wait until everyone else has sat down and then choose your seats wisely. The End.